Healing from Birth Trauma: My Journey and How You Can Start Yours
Have you ever wondered why a seemingly straightforward birth can leave you feeling emotionally overwhelmed?
Yet in emergency situations, some mums come out feeling fine?
Birth trauma doesn’t always look like you’d expect—it’s often invisible, but deeply felt.
Finding My Own Path to Healing
After my first birth, I found myself replaying the events over and over in my mind. I had felt like a rabbit stuck in the headlights—surrounded by watching eyes, unable to communicate or even know what my needs were. I didn’t know that wasn’t normal, and on paper, everything about the birth looked fine.
The notes, the outcome—it all seemed like a completely normal birth, like those I’d been reading in the home birth group!
I was delighted to have achieved a home birth, but inside, I felt stuck and didn’t feel able to reach out for support.
At the same time, I still had an overwhelming sense of how amazing birth could be.
I knew deep down that if I’d been in a hospital, things would have felt even more out of my control. My body might have closed down even further, or I could have opted for more interventions. I remain eternally grateful to my Independent Midwife for her steadfast and unwavering support through it all.
“Birth trauma doesn’t always look like you’d expect - it’s often invisible, but deeply felt”
It wasn’t until I attended a childbirth celebration organised by one of my fellow students from the NCT Antenatal Teacher training course that I found the shift I needed. As part of the event, I participated in a trial session of Birth Art—and wow! Who would have thought something so simple could be so transformational?
Through the process, I realised something profound about myself:
I’m a deeply private person, and this birth taught me to respect that part of who I am.
What had once felt like disbelief and shock shifted into acceptance and understanding.
'“I’m a deeply private person, and this birth taught me to respect that part of who I am”
Healing is Possible
Over the years, I’ve come to understand just how common these feelings are among women I’ve met—through my work, as well as among friends and family members. Some women share stories of severe trauma, with intense interventions, yet they seem to breeze through emotionally.
“Trauma is not what happens to you. Trauma is what happens inside you as a result of what happens to you” - Dr Gabor Mate
Others, like myself, experience deep emotional wounds even when the birth seems "straightforward" on paper.
The difference? It’s not always about what happens but often about how a woman is treated and how she feels during the process.
For me, a long history of feeling unheard and undermined—especially by my mother—played a big role.
Having my stepchildren present during the birth only added to the pressure I felt to put others’ needs ahead of my own.
I was so conditioned to give away my power, to do what was "right" for others instead of listening to myself.
But birth has a way of cutting through all that. It’s like an initiation by fire—a moment that forces us to confront our deepest patterns.
The good news? As my story shows, there are ways to heal.
As Dr. Gabor Maté a leading researcher on trauma and stress, explains, "The wound is the place where the light enters." Healing from birth trauma is not just about relieving symptoms—it’s about reclaiming your sense of peace and joy.
What is Birth Trauma?
Birth trauma isn’t just about emergencies or dramatic events. It can stem from feeling unheard, disrespected, or out of control—even during a medically straightforward birth, just as my story shows.
“Birth trauma doesn’t always look like you’d expect - it’s often invisible, but deeply felt.”
It can be a feeling of shock and disbelief. It can be feeling numb, guilty, or even shame, anger, and failure related to the birth.
Studies show that up to 45% of women in the UK report feeling some degree of trauma after giving birth.
Is it any wonder when our medical system uses labels such as "lack of maternal effort" and "failure to progress"? Anger in relation to these labels is wholly justified.
What are the Effects of Birth Trauma?
“Trauma doesn’t just live in your mind - it affects your body, your relationships, and your life.”
Birth trauma can have far-reaching effects on both the mother and her baby.
A mother’s mental health is deeply intertwined with long-term outcomes for her child,
shaping their emotional and behavioural development in profound ways.
This is absolutely not about making mothers feel guilty.
Mothers are not at fault.
Our healthcare systems often fail to provide 1:1 nurturing care during labour and birth and fail to deliver proper postnatal support.
As mothers, we are always doing the absolute best we can with the resources we have.
Effects on Mother-Infant Bonding
“The bond between mother and baby is powerful - but it starts with a mother’s own well-being”
When mothers experience mental health issues such as PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) or PND (postnatal depression), it can impact their ability to tune into their baby’s subtle cues. This happens subconsciously and can manifest in ways like:
Reduced eye contact between mother and baby.
Misaligned responses to a baby’s cues (e.g., attempting to engage in play when the baby is signalling tiredness).
Emerging research suggests that these disruptions in early bonding can contribute to developmental challenges such as ADHD, oppositional defiant disorder (ODD), and other behavioural issues later in life.
Suggested Link: Parent-Infant Foundation on the importance of bonding and attachment
The Role of Hormones and Stress
Trauma hijacks the brain’s amygdala, the emotional centre responsible for fight-or-flight responses.
This leads to the release of excess cortisol, a stress hormone, which can:
Disrupt the body’s hormonal balance.
Increase inflammation in the body.
Cause issues such as joint pain, trouble breastfeeding, and sleep difficulties.
Over time, this stress-induced imbalance can lead to autoimmune or non-communicable diseases
such as eczema, asthma, diabetes, and low moods.
Long-Term Impact on Health and Coping Mechanisms
While trying to manage these physical and emotional symptoms, many mothers are also juggling the demands of caring for a baby or toddler. It’s no wonder that birth trauma often gets "swept under the rug" as mothers push through to stay afloat.
Some mothers may return to work or immerse themselves in busyness to avoid the pain of traumatic memories. But without addressing the trauma, these seemingly unrelated health challenges often worsen over time.
The good news? Healing is possible.
With the right support, mothers can find relief, reclaim their emotional balance, and create stronger bonds with their babies.
Birth Trauma Association on resources for recovery
Why Talking Alone May Not Be Enough
After my first birth, I talked about my story endlessly, wrote it down, and analysed every detail with friends. While this helped me process what had happened, it didn’t truly shift the way I felt about it.
Here’s why: The brain processes words and emotions in very different ways.
“Talking addresses the logical brain, but true healing works with the emotional brain.”
Left Brain vs. Right Brain
Talking and writing are primarily left-brain functions.
This involves the neocortex, the rational, thinking part of the brain.
The neocortex processes information in a linear, logical way and sends signals to your mouth to speak or your hand to write.
Once you develop a version of events, your brain tends to stick with that narrative.Emotions, on the other hand, originate in deeper, instinctive parts of the brain,
including the amygdala and hippocampus.
These regions are part of the brain’s survival system,
responsible for triggering responses like fight, flight, or freeze.
Long before we attach words to an experience,
these areas are busy generating the emotional "charge" tied to that memory.
“Words help you to process - but emotions are stored in a deeper part of the brain'.”
Dr. Gabor Maté’s research shows that trauma is stored in the body, not just in the mind. This is why talking about your birth story—while helpful—might not be enough to shift the deeper emotional charge tied to the experience. True healing often requires working with the instinctive, emotional parts of the brain and body.
The Chemistry of Trauma
When your brain perceives a threat (real or imagined), the amygdala kicks into gear, releasing stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol. These chemicals prepare your body to fight or flee but can leave you feeling stuck when tied to a traumatic memory. Each time the memory surfaces, your brain may react as if the danger is happening all over again.
Everyone’s response is different, but the key is the negative emotional charge tied to the experience.
When Words Aren’t Enough Talking about your experience engages the logical part of your brain, but it doesn’t always address the instinctive, emotional part. To truly shift how you feel about the experience, it’s essential to work with the deeper, emotional systems of the brain.
Here’s the good news: If there are negative emotions around your birth, there’s room for healing. With the right approach, it’s possible to release those emotions and reclaim your sense of calm and control.
Now You Can Start Healing
'“Healing is possible. The best thing you can do for your children is to heal yourself first'.”
Healing from birth trauma is a deeply personal journey, but the good news is that there are many paths to help you find relief, regain control, and embrace joy once more.
Finding Peace - The 3 Step Rewind Process
The 3-Step Rewind Process is one such method—a gentle, client-led approach that involves three carefully guided sessions designed to help your brain "re-file" traumatic memories into a calmer, more manageable place.
It’s not about forgetting.
Instead, it’s about freeing yourself from the emotional charge tied to those memories so you can move forward with confidence and ease.
“It’s not about forgetting. Instead, it’s about freeing yourself from the emotional charge tied to those memories so you can move forwards with confidence and ease.”
Other Ways to Heal
If the 3-Step Rewind Process isn’t the right fit for you, there are other options I offer to help you process and release these emotions:
Birth Art & Reflections Sessions
A creative way to explore and transform your emotions. Birth Art allows you to access and process feelings that may be hard to put into words, offering a powerful outlet for healing and self-discovery.Talking with a Licensed Therapist
Working with a licensed therapist can also be a valuable way to process trauma. To find a qualified professional, visit the BACP Therapist Directory.Mama Circle
Join my Mama Circle, a safe and supportive space where you can share your feelings, connect with other mothers, and find community and comfort.
‘You are not alone. You deserve to live a life of joy and connection’
The First Step Starts with You
No matter which path you choose, remember this:
You don’t have to live with these feelings forever. Healing is possible.
The best thing you can do for your children is to heal yourself first. Imagine how much more present and joyful you can be, not just for your baby, but for yourself. You are not alone in this journey, and there is a way forward.
Hi, I’m Emma!
I’m passionate about supporting women through their journeys in motherhood, especially when those journeys feel overwhelming or complicated by birth trauma.
After my own experience with unresolved feelings from my first birth, I discovered the transformative power of healing approaches like Birth Art and the 3-Step Rewind Process.
With over 16 years of experience working with families through antenatal classes, breastfeeding support groups, and sling libraries, I’ve seen how common birth trauma is—and how deeply it can impact women and their families.
Now, as a certified 3-Step Rewind practitioner, my mission is to help women feel lighter, more empowered, and free to embrace the joy of motherhood.
Whether you’re looking for a way to process your experience or simply need a safe, supportive space to begin your journey, I’m here to help.
Start Your Journey to Healing Today
Imagine feeling free from the weight of birth trauma—being able to tell your baby’s birth story without it cutting you deeply each time. Healing is possible, and you don’t have to navigate it alone.
I offer the following services to help you reclaim your sense of calm, confidence, and joy:
3-Step Rewind Process:
A gentle, client-led approach designed to help you reprocess and release negative emotions tied to your birth experience.Birth Art & Reflections Sessions:
A creative, non-verbal way to explore and transform your emotions.Mama Circle:
A safe and supportive space to connect with other mothers and share your journey.
Useful Links & Resources
If you’d like to explore more about birth trauma, healing, and support, these trusted organisations and resources offer valuable guidance:
Support and Information
Birth Trauma Association (BTA)
A UK-based charity supporting individuals and families affected by traumatic births with resources, peer support, and professional guidance.PANDAS Foundation
Support for those experiencing prenatal or postnatal depression and perinatal mental health issues, including a helpline and local support groups.Sands (Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Society)
Providing bereavement support and resources for families affected by the loss of a baby.Make Birth Better
Focused on trauma-informed care to improve birth experiences.Bliss
Supporting families of premature or sick babies, with resources to navigate neonatal care.MASIC Foundation
Advocating for women with severe maternal injuries and providing support for recovery.
Books and Research on Trauma
The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness, and Healing in a Toxic Culture by Dr. Gabor Maté
An exploration of how societal pressures contribute to trauma and chronic illness, and pathways toward healing.When the Body Says No: Exploring the Stress-Disease Connection by Dr. Gabor Maté
Understanding how unresolved emotional pain manifests in physical illness.The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Dr. Bessel van der Kolk
A groundbreaking book exploring how trauma affects the body and mind, with insights into effective treatments.
Finding Professional Help
BACP Therapist Directory
Find a qualified, licensed therapist in your area who specialises in trauma and postnatal mental health
Take the first step today
Reach out to book your free consultation or learn more about how these services can support you.